Anyway, I go to the Dunky D’s the other day for an iced coffee and a bagel on the way to work (on a Saturday — speaking of the list), when two events take place that make me Jesus to turn my hands into hammers so I can smash everything in sight.
First: two dudes discussing this Obammer v. the Cambridge Police thing. Dude A says the Big O was wrong to douche on the cops. Fair enough. Sensing another possible racist in his presence, Dude B puts it on the line: “the only thing I’ve seen since he got elected is more taxes and more blacks.” Aside from that dickhead’s taxes actually going down, what does that second bit even mean? Whatever. I was in Dunky’s, and this is the price you pay for bro-ing down with the common man, is it not?
Second: a dude strolls in in his saturday best(jean shorts and a tank-top) orders an iced coffee and asks for a styrofoam cup to put the plastic cup in. Thanks, bro. Think you can just dump your garbage in front of the store and idle your enormous truck for a few minutes? Maybe club a baby seal on the way out the door in case you haven’t destroyed the Earth enough for the day? Wouldn’t want your precious hand to get wet from that ice sweat though. Hey did you know back when I was a kid, they didn’t even have cupholders that would hold drinks that big? Yeah, weird one, right?
There you have it. There’s your average hockey mom or Joe the Plumber just gettin’ ‘er done for the American Dream at a Dunky’s near you. Should’ve stuck to Starbucks, which despite what you’re thinking, is NOT on the list.