18 Nov

Jesus Wrote the Declaration of Independence



Making fun of conservative art is kind of like shooting retarded fish in a retarded barrel, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that so comprehensively captures the experience of being completely clueless about everything that has ever happened ever. I am literally in awe of this painting’s majesty, and no I’m not talking about the hippie cosplay dude ignoring that kid in the middle. 

So, obviously, Jesus wrote the rules of America and Abe Lincoln and an astronaut and Kevin Spacey were all there. Everyone agrees on that. What you may not have known, if you look a little closer here on the bottom right, is that pregnant sluts, jew lawyers, the liberal media, pointy headed professors with their fancy science-y books and, what, Jeff Bridges in a blazer I guess, are all bros with Satan. 

This shit is a little internet old, but true art is timeless, right? Here’s where my man explains the whole thing, complete with captions for each figure, like the Civil War soldier with his hands over his face. Why? “Because that was the only war in American history where American fought against American and brother fought against brother. Hopefully it will never happen again.” Unless the liberals try to steal our machine guns he probably meant to add. So, go check it out. Meet you back here in ten years when you recover.

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